looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize