If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
