If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
