Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
