I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize