She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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