So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
