Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
