it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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