last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
