So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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