didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
