dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
