I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
