when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
