I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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