Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
