she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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