The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
