he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
