What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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