I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
