Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
