sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
