I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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