It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
