Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
