I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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