bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
