Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
