Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
