Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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