I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
