PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
