I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize