when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
