I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
