great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
