like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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