Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
