So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
