I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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