went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize