I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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