My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
