Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
