return my video game
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
