I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
