Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
