this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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