I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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