so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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