Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
