she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
