That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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