you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
