Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
