Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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