he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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