Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
