Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
