Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
