i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
