dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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