I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
