I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
