Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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