More tranny stories later!
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
