we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
