He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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