I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
