and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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