were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
