Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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