i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
