Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
