Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i think i have herpe
just one?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
