Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
