so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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