You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
